By Maxie Allen

A day of fluctuating fortunes, and emotions to suit. Despair turned to hope, then to frustration.

The pitch – this was a park ground – ensured the cricket remained lively throughout. Deceptively slow, its bounce was wildly erratic. Many balls reared up off a length; others shot through at ankle height.

Two weeks previously, against Sanford, we’d begun the match in disastrous fashion – subsiding to 4-3. Never again, we pledged. And we were true to our word. This time, we were 5-4.

First, James Hindle missed a straight one, which kept a little low, before Felix fenced a throat ball to square leg. Andy Reid then lost his middle stump, and as the chaos intensified the inevitable happened: a run out. Simon Begley was the victim, after protracted confusion between him and James Morgan over a putative single to square leg. It was impossible to determine whose fault it was – just one of those things, really. But Scratch wasn’t best pleased. I’m glad I wasn’t his kit bag.

By this point, it had begun to rain – quite heavily, and would continue to drizzle for most of the match. In view of the scoreline it hardly seemed sporting of us to come off, and the fielders, understandably, wished to continue. I was umpiring, and as I stood there, getting drenched, with my side 5-4, I kind of wondered what the point of it all was.

Fortunately, Morgsy and TG slowly began to restore order. How many runs they added together I can’t tell you precisely, as the scorebook ended up in the wrong bag, but their promising partnership ended prematurely when Morgsy, after unfurling a couple of fine cut shots, clipped one off the middle of his bat into the hands of mid-wicket, who took a good catch. An unlucky dismissal.

By now we were contemplating total humiliation, but after Quokkas brought on their gentler bowlers, we gradually edged our way towards a workable score. TG, in perhaps his finest ever Allstars innings, was superb – judiciously mixing attack with defence and playing back, and very late, to negate the vagaries of the pitch. From memory, he made 42.

An acceptable total was transformed into a good one by the arrival at the crease of Sam MacDonald, batting in the unusual position of number nine. Playing at his most Chris Gayle-esque, Sam unleashed a remarkable range of attacking, clean-hitting strokes, savagely dispatching the bowlers to all parts. He took 24 off a single over, and added 50 for the ninth wicket with The Rocket, who batted commendably. By the time Sam was last out, for about 75, we’d reached 179 off 33.3 overs – a noteworthy recovery.

As we walked back onto the field for the start of Quokkas’ innings, the rain stepped up a gear. TG, Gren, and Chadders, all bowled very well – and although their batsmen looked very sharp, the combination of Gren’s pace and the wetness of the pitch – whose bounce was now more variable than ever – led to two wickets, both bowled.

But by now it was bucketing down, and there was no choice but to abandon play and shake hands on a draw. A shame really, as with Quokkas 32-2 off 9, chasing 180, I fancied our chances.

We then retired, sopping wet, to the ‘other’ Sun Inn – the Richmond one – which for cosy atmosphere more than made up for the dirtiest pub carpets I have ever seen.

Location:Old Deer Park, Richmond

By Neale Adams

Yesterday’s game against my cousin Ewan’s team BA Corinthians was just as close-run as last year’s game.  We made 137, Rob Jackson top-scoring with a courageous 35 despite being hit in the face by an accidental beamer.  Tony and Gus Grant both bowled excellent opening spells as we got off to a good start with the ball, but we couldn’t break the 8th wicket stand who took Corinthians to victory.

Once again Tristan did a splendid job organising the tour – many thanks from all the tourists!

By Tristan Hadd0w-Allen

Sanford v St Anne’s Allstars, Sunday 22nd May, Pirbright

According to urban legend, Vegas casinos employ people who emit bad luck. They just have to sit next to a big winner, or brush them on the shoulder, and a winning streak turns to dust, fortune turns to ruins. If there’s any truth in it, James Morgan may have found a new career. Not since The Charge of the Light Brigade have the words ‘I’ve got a good feeling about this’ caused such foreboding. Every good Allstar knows that when Morgsy, bless him, thinks we’re on to a winner, disaster cannot be far away.

So it was that he increased the likelihood of disaster by bringing his family and newborn son to watch him captain the Allstars against old rivals Sanford at their new home in Pirbright. The day was sunny, although very windy, and the pitch looked hard and golden, surrounded by short boundaries. There must be hundreds of runs in that pitch…surely?

Morgsy won the toss and elected to bat. It was what everyone wanted…for about fifteen seconds. Sanford opener Cooke, young and with a bit of pace, quickly changed everyone’s minds. Third ball leapt viciously off a length and struck Venay on the arm, ricocheting over gully. The next couple of overs proved the pitch was going to be a fearsome opponent. No one fancied a bat any more. And then it began….

The slower Quantrell, from the other end, had Andy Reid caught for a duck. 3-1, and without a run off the bat. THA went in first drop. First ball was a big wide, just off the edge of the strip, and very late he decided to have a flash at it. He was probably the only batsman with the reach to hit it, and managed to scythe it to gully, the local football team’s star goalkeeper, and probably the only fielder who would have caught it. On another day it would have been 4, today it was out and the Allstars were 3-2. Cooke got another ball to rise sharply at Venay who topped edged a catch to the keeper. 4-3, all out for ducks.

Time for a captain’s innings. Quantrell got another one to shoot through low at Morgsy, LBW for 4. Four down now, but at least we were nearing double figures. Cooke came off after three lively overs and the bowling eased a little. MacDonald and Halladay began the fightback, slowly at first, then rushing towards their fifties. Sam was eventually out LBW to another shooter for 50, then Dave was caught hitting out for 51. The rest of the innings was over in the blink of an eye, no one reaching double figures, although notable for Sir Viv Seth striking his first four. He may well have hit several more, but Morgsy said ‘Vivek’s looking good’ and he was clean bowled next
ball, and we were all out on the strike of tea for 142.

Could it be enough? Could it? Just possibly, if we bowled really tightly and took our chances. Chadders got us started in the style we meant to continue, bowling five huge wides on the trot. Seven off the first over and not one of them off the bat. Oh dear. Haroon opened well from the other end, looked sharp and getting the ball to cut back off the seam to clean bowl Banks. The pitch was still causing problems, but mainly for stand in keeper THA. Runs flowed happily from wides, byes, and edges.

Rarely did we manage to put it on the spot and let the pitch do the work for us. Vivek came on and bowled the other opener, Broadside, then had Bailey caught and bowled. Suddenly we looked like we had a sniff. Sadly, we were wrong. Quantrell hit a chancy fifty supported by 26 from Young and they knocked off the runs pretty comfortably, our attack failing to threaten again

After the horror start we got off to, we did well to make a game of it, and plaudits go to Sam and Dave for fifties which were probably worth hundreds. Hopefully lessons were learnt and a sharper Allstars will greet our next opponents.

By Tristan Haddow-Allen

St Anne’s Allstars versus The Gentlemen of West London, April 24th, Barnes Common

Rust, Rust, As Far As The Eye Can See

The day was unseasonably warm, the sun was shining, dew glistened underfoot as Howard Carter opened the St Anne’s tomb and released what remained of the Allstars to stumble stiff-limbed and bleary-eyed in to the light. The Allstars have never started the season well. We don’t keep fit in winter, we don’t have pre-season nets, we often barely fit in to our whites come April, and we always come up against the Gents first game of the year. The Gents are renowned for doing sneaky things such as practising. Bastards.

We have been playing the Gents for a decade, largely unsuccessfully, and nearly always on their minefield of a pitch, where luck often plays a greater role than skill (eight people clean bowled by shooters without a single run being scored, in one memorable exchange). Today was going to be different. Today we were playing at HQ and were going to re-write history.

The pitch was soft and damp as they gathered for an inspection. ‘Bat first’, says MHA. ‘Bollocks, field first’, says THA. ‘It’s always the same. It’ll be a bugger to bat on when it’s wet, then dry out and we’ll look silly when they knock the runs off’.

Not really convinced, Maxie won the toss and elected to field. KP took the new ball and bowled reasonably straight, but at about half pace. Chadders did much the same from the other end. Thus began the story of the day, clownish fielding, wides, full-tosses and dropped catches galore, overthrows, misfields, missed run-outs and stumpings. The Gents’ openers – Kumar, and Boden on début – took full advantage, and chance after chance went down. Paul ‘Crazy Horse’ Nicol replaced KP at the top end and had a horror of a time, verging on the yips. After five full-tosses were dispatched to all parts, MHA was heard to ask ‘Who said this was a good pitch to bowl
on?’

Nicol recovered admirably, but runs were still gushing, and wickets were going begging. A big score loomed. THA and TG combined in attack and brought about some order, staunching the flow of runs. Grant dismissed Boden for 52, and Denton next ball for a duck, then THA had their star bat Chris Wright caught for 1. Game on. Ball after ball skimmed the stumps, caught the edge, or just eluded the catcher’s grasp, but nothing else would stick.

KP returned to bowl Kumar for a chance-filled 64, and new boy Martyn Langridge added to his two catches by bowling the Gents’ captain, Richard Gilkes. The gush had slowed to a trickle, till a late order thrash from Hemin Patel took the gents to 181-6 at the close of their 35. Truth be told, had the Allstars fielded better they could have dismissed the Gents for half that, and 181 looked as if it may be a tricky chase on a lively early season pitch.

THA and Tarka opened the Allstars’ reply, and THA looked in a hurry. He thrashed a couple of his early balls through the covers, then went down the pitch to hit the opener back over his head to race to 17, but just as early season rust had cost the Allstars in the field, it cost them with the bat, too. Boden, the pick of the Gents’ bowlers, caught THA with a good slower ball that cut back sharply, gating him while trying to hit out far too early in his innings, then had Reid caught behind immediately for a duck.

The pendulum continued to swing, and 181 looked a long way off again. KP joined Tarka at the crease, and started slowly while Tarka chipped away with his unorthodox brand of batting. The pitch began to ease in the sun, and KP pulled out the long handle.

Chris Wright bowled excellently but for no luck, missing KP’s edge countless times, Hemin came on to bowl his off-spin, and KP’s stand-and-deliver style came in to its own, carting him around the ground for an expensive four overs. The swing-and-a-miss, swing-and-a-four continued, the score climbed steadily, and Allstars’ fears started to fade. Tarka was caught for a useful 28, and KP continued his chancy thrashfest till he was bowled by Boden for a match-winning 91. A lusty cameo from Hautot, included a thumping straight six, brought the Allstars home in 27 overs. Despite our faults, lapses and rust, we had played better cricket and deserved to
win.

Both teams retired to the Sun Inn. Backs were slapped, stories were told, and beer was drunk, as everyone knew it was going to hurt terribly in the morning….