By Tristan Hadd0w-Allen

Sanford v St Anne’s Allstars, Sunday 22nd May, Pirbright

According to urban legend, Vegas casinos employ people who emit bad luck. They just have to sit next to a big winner, or brush them on the shoulder, and a winning streak turns to dust, fortune turns to ruins. If there’s any truth in it, James Morgan may have found a new career. Not since The Charge of the Light Brigade have the words ‘I’ve got a good feeling about this’ caused such foreboding. Every good Allstar knows that when Morgsy, bless him, thinks we’re on to a winner, disaster cannot be far away.

So it was that he increased the likelihood of disaster by bringing his family and newborn son to watch him captain the Allstars against old rivals Sanford at their new home in Pirbright. The day was sunny, although very windy, and the pitch looked hard and golden, surrounded by short boundaries. There must be hundreds of runs in that pitch…surely?

Morgsy won the toss and elected to bat. It was what everyone wanted…for about fifteen seconds. Sanford opener Cooke, young and with a bit of pace, quickly changed everyone’s minds. Third ball leapt viciously off a length and struck Venay on the arm, ricocheting over gully. The next couple of overs proved the pitch was going to be a fearsome opponent. No one fancied a bat any more. And then it began….

The slower Quantrell, from the other end, had Andy Reid caught for a duck. 3-1, and without a run off the bat. THA went in first drop. First ball was a big wide, just off the edge of the strip, and very late he decided to have a flash at it. He was probably the only batsman with the reach to hit it, and managed to scythe it to gully, the local football team’s star goalkeeper, and probably the only fielder who would have caught it. On another day it would have been 4, today it was out and the Allstars were 3-2. Cooke got another ball to rise sharply at Venay who topped edged a catch to the keeper. 4-3, all out for ducks.

Time for a captain’s innings. Quantrell got another one to shoot through low at Morgsy, LBW for 4. Four down now, but at least we were nearing double figures. Cooke came off after three lively overs and the bowling eased a little. MacDonald and Halladay began the fightback, slowly at first, then rushing towards their fifties. Sam was eventually out LBW to another shooter for 50, then Dave was caught hitting out for 51. The rest of the innings was over in the blink of an eye, no one reaching double figures, although notable for Sir Viv Seth striking his first four. He may well have hit several more, but Morgsy said ‘Vivek’s looking good’ and he was clean bowled next
ball, and we were all out on the strike of tea for 142.

Could it be enough? Could it? Just possibly, if we bowled really tightly and took our chances. Chadders got us started in the style we meant to continue, bowling five huge wides on the trot. Seven off the first over and not one of them off the bat. Oh dear. Haroon opened well from the other end, looked sharp and getting the ball to cut back off the seam to clean bowl Banks. The pitch was still causing problems, but mainly for stand in keeper THA. Runs flowed happily from wides, byes, and edges.

Rarely did we manage to put it on the spot and let the pitch do the work for us. Vivek came on and bowled the other opener, Broadside, then had Bailey caught and bowled. Suddenly we looked like we had a sniff. Sadly, we were wrong. Quantrell hit a chancy fifty supported by 26 from Young and they knocked off the runs pretty comfortably, our attack failing to threaten again

After the horror start we got off to, we did well to make a game of it, and plaudits go to Sam and Dave for fifties which were probably worth hundreds. Hopefully lessons were learnt and a sharper Allstars will greet our next opponents.

By Tristan Haddow-Allen

St Anne’s Allstars versus The Gentlemen of West London, April 24th, Barnes Common

Rust, Rust, As Far As The Eye Can See

The day was unseasonably warm, the sun was shining, dew glistened underfoot as Howard Carter opened the St Anne’s tomb and released what remained of the Allstars to stumble stiff-limbed and bleary-eyed in to the light. The Allstars have never started the season well. We don’t keep fit in winter, we don’t have pre-season nets, we often barely fit in to our whites come April, and we always come up against the Gents first game of the year. The Gents are renowned for doing sneaky things such as practising. Bastards.

We have been playing the Gents for a decade, largely unsuccessfully, and nearly always on their minefield of a pitch, where luck often plays a greater role than skill (eight people clean bowled by shooters without a single run being scored, in one memorable exchange). Today was going to be different. Today we were playing at HQ and were going to re-write history.

The pitch was soft and damp as they gathered for an inspection. ‘Bat first’, says MHA. ‘Bollocks, field first’, says THA. ‘It’s always the same. It’ll be a bugger to bat on when it’s wet, then dry out and we’ll look silly when they knock the runs off’.

Not really convinced, Maxie won the toss and elected to field. KP took the new ball and bowled reasonably straight, but at about half pace. Chadders did much the same from the other end. Thus began the story of the day, clownish fielding, wides, full-tosses and dropped catches galore, overthrows, misfields, missed run-outs and stumpings. The Gents’ openers – Kumar, and Boden on début – took full advantage, and chance after chance went down. Paul ‘Crazy Horse’ Nicol replaced KP at the top end and had a horror of a time, verging on the yips. After five full-tosses were dispatched to all parts, MHA was heard to ask ‘Who said this was a good pitch to bowl
on?’

Nicol recovered admirably, but runs were still gushing, and wickets were going begging. A big score loomed. THA and TG combined in attack and brought about some order, staunching the flow of runs. Grant dismissed Boden for 52, and Denton next ball for a duck, then THA had their star bat Chris Wright caught for 1. Game on. Ball after ball skimmed the stumps, caught the edge, or just eluded the catcher’s grasp, but nothing else would stick.

KP returned to bowl Kumar for a chance-filled 64, and new boy Martyn Langridge added to his two catches by bowling the Gents’ captain, Richard Gilkes. The gush had slowed to a trickle, till a late order thrash from Hemin Patel took the gents to 181-6 at the close of their 35. Truth be told, had the Allstars fielded better they could have dismissed the Gents for half that, and 181 looked as if it may be a tricky chase on a lively early season pitch.

THA and Tarka opened the Allstars’ reply, and THA looked in a hurry. He thrashed a couple of his early balls through the covers, then went down the pitch to hit the opener back over his head to race to 17, but just as early season rust had cost the Allstars in the field, it cost them with the bat, too. Boden, the pick of the Gents’ bowlers, caught THA with a good slower ball that cut back sharply, gating him while trying to hit out far too early in his innings, then had Reid caught behind immediately for a duck.

The pendulum continued to swing, and 181 looked a long way off again. KP joined Tarka at the crease, and started slowly while Tarka chipped away with his unorthodox brand of batting. The pitch began to ease in the sun, and KP pulled out the long handle.

Chris Wright bowled excellently but for no luck, missing KP’s edge countless times, Hemin came on to bowl his off-spin, and KP’s stand-and-deliver style came in to its own, carting him around the ground for an expensive four overs. The swing-and-a-miss, swing-and-a-four continued, the score climbed steadily, and Allstars’ fears started to fade. Tarka was caught for a useful 28, and KP continued his chancy thrashfest till he was bowled by Boden for a match-winning 91. A lusty cameo from Hautot, included a thumping straight six, brought the Allstars home in 27 overs. Despite our faults, lapses and rust, we had played better cricket and deserved to
win.

Both teams retired to the Sun Inn. Backs were slapped, stories were told, and beer was drunk, as everyone knew it was going to hurt terribly in the morning….

We were yesterday unable to build on our promising start to the season, and lost to Sanford by seven wickets. Dave Halladay and Sam MacDonald both posted highly impressive half-centuries, but after subsiding earlier to a perilous 4-3, we could eventually only muster a total of 142, which proved at least 30 runs light. There was a wicket for Haroon, and two for Vivek, but we couldn’t break their rather rustic, and slightly lucky, fourth-wicket partnership.

For those who played in the match – any observations/comments?

Sunday 24th April v Gents of West London (Barnes)

Sunday 22nd May v Sanford (Guildford)

28-29th May – Northumberland tour TBC

Sunday 5th June v Quokkas (Richmond)

Sunday 19th June v Heartaches (Ascott Park, Bucks)

Sunday 3rd July v Newcastle touring team TBC

Sunday 17th July v Salix (Harlington)

Sunday 31st July v Dorking Dads Army (Dorking)

Sunday 7th August v Baker St Irregulars (venue TBC, probably Regent’s Park)

Thursday 11th August v English Heritage (Audley End, Essex)

Sunday 14th August v West XI (Greenford)

Sunday 28th August v Weekenders (Barnes)

Sunday 4th September v New Barbarian Weasels (Chiswick)

Sunday 11th September v Mighty Wanderers (Mill Hill – for The James Abrahams Trophy)

Saturday 17th September v Village (Chiswick for the Biggles Goggles Trophy)

22nd-26th September – Corfu tour

The awards ceremony on 25th February also saw 5 awards presented for Allstars of the Decade 2001-2011. All of them recipients have made huge contributions to the club over the last ten years, all in very different ways. The winners were…

Nick Chadwick

If ever an Allstar was even more than the sum of his parts, it’s this man. On the field, his bowling has the effect of making everyone feel better. His experience, skill, control, and penetration, make us seem a more credible outfit the very moment he begins his run-up.

Self-deprecatingly, he has always under-rated his batting, despite his genuine ability. Off-field, and especially on tour, he is the life and soul of proceedings, and inevitably at the centre of whatever’s happening.

Whether it’s wearing stupid hats, spending all night sleeping on the grass, being chatted up by camp Frenchmen, coining brilliant Michael Jackson puns, or composing one of the most acclaimed ever musical tributes to a grumpy coach driver – the sheer scale of his contribution over many years cannot be overstated.

Chris Gould

If you wrote down the names of ten Allstars you’d most like to play alongside, Chris would always be the first name on anyone’s team-sheet. He is the kind of club member for whom the word stalwart was devised.

The most striking things about him as an Allstar are his selflessness, his versatility, and his loyalty to the club throughout our ten year history.

He is always the first person to offer help, volunteer for a task, identify a problem and provide a solution – be it sorting out kit, marking out the boundary, tactics in the field, or a diplomatic incident. He can also be relied upon to gently deflate some of Maxie’s more ludicrous ideas and sagely steer events in a more sensible direction.

Even more importantly, he is a dependable and resourceful cricketer. A powerful and streetwise batsman, a confident captain, a powerhouse in the field, and, as a vastly accomplished wicket keeper, he has the most caps and dismissals in Allstars history.

Garreth Duncan

Loyalty is just as important a theme for our next winner – an attribute which underscores Garreth’s contribution to the club, which stretches back to the very foundation of the Allstars in 1995.

Allstars life would not be quite the same without him. Famously, he wears his heart on his sleeve – and such is the emotion he invests in his cricket, his particularly colourful displays have entered into club folklore and provided some of the most memorable events in our history.

A keen student of the game, his acumen as a cricket brain is perhaps not widely recognised, but has often revealed itself when, as captain, he has led to us to some if the most celebrated Allstars victories of all, for example at Salix in 2009.

Off-field, he is an effortlessly assiduous scorer, an elegant and erudite writer of match reports, and has brilliantly organised a series of hugely enjoyable domestic tours.

But he is best known as the bowler who puts more spin on the ball than anyone in an Allstars shirt has ever done. He is the kind of bowler who clears the bars – because you know that when he steps up to the crease, whatever happens, it’s not going to be dull.

Tristan Haddow-Allen

Without Tristan, where on earth would we have been over the last ten years? He may not always be the most spectacular batsman on display, nor the showiest bowler – but match in, match out, season after season, he is the best all-rounder a village club could wish for.

It was he who turned his brother’s fanciful, rather naive idea of forming a cricket club into a tangible, functioning reality – an actual cricket team.

He has a brilliant cricket brain, is our best captain, is all-in-all our best fielder, and makes the best teas. There is a special commendation for his Yorkshire puddings with roast beef and horseradish sauce.

He has also been known to keep wicket, and if he ever gets round to learning to drive, he will presumably be commandeered to look after the team bus as well.

He is one of only two players ever to represent the Allstars in more than a hundred matches. He has scored the most runs, the most centuries (nine), the most fifties, and taken the most wickets and the most catches. Among his many highlights, the stand-outs are probably his epic spell of 6-37 which sealed the breakthrough victory against Trengilly Wartha in 2002, And his relentless batting in the 2003 season, when his broad bat reeled off 969 runs – the lynchpin of a summer in which we won ten matches out of twenty.

Maxie Allen

Last but not least- in fact, “last but most” would be appropriate – is Maxie. The founder of our club and the driving force behind it for the last 10 years, the club literally would not exist without him. It was an honour for the Awards Committee to be able to recognise this by presenting Maxie with a tangible recognition of all he has achieved.

He is not just an Allstar of the Decade, he is the all time Allstar. He epitomises the Allstar spirit: he loves cricket for the fun of the game, he always plays with the right attitude, he never berates the shortcomings of others, he knows that the whole purpose of the match is to have a beer together afterwards. And like the club itself, his actual cricketing ability is… not actually the point.

He has put in so much hard work for the club over the years, with the result that everyone connected with it has had a fantastic time on so many occasions. All of us owe him a huge debt of gratitude, and all of us recognise that our lives are immeasurably enriched by knowing him.